We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
