why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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