you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we're making bets on your personal life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
