Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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