just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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