Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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