Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
