I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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