he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
this is an emotional support booty call
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
