hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
