We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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