I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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