my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
