He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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