he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
