if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
