Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
