I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
