and you said cock pushups were impossible
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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