her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it glows. i had to have it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
