just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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