i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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