I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize