Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
