dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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