don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
