On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
