I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
