I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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