then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
