On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
