OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
