aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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