She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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