She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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