I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
