We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
