I didn't shave. On purpose
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
