My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
