Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
