dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
