We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
