Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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