So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
