I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
