i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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