I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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