my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
