How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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