Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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