I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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