I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
