I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dick very happy bro
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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