He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
