Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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