Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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