I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
