Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
