I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
