i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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