that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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