she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize