I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
