her facebook's as public as her vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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