I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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