Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
