She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i think i just lost a toe
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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