Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
