I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
