and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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