this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
