just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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