So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
