it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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