My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
