When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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