So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
