How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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