i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
