she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
