Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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